I relive the past every single day: CPTSD, anxiety, and PD-NOS

Daily writing prompt

Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

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What’s it like to have CPTSD and a personality disorder?

For me, the past is where my mind lies all the time and, just like many others, the past gives me perspective into what I want to do with my future. 

At the same time, I can’t just let go, at least not easily.

I remember the past over, and over, and over again, and see the negative impact that this has had on my relationships and kinship with others.

I simply can’t let go, to the point that I now have CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) and base many of my decisions to accommodate my anxiety, depression, and draw boundaries to avoid people-pleasing.

I also have PD-NOS, personality disorder not otherwise specified, most related and resulting in my OCD and anxiety. 

As bright as my future can be and as motivated that I am to work on myself, I can’t let go of the past and replace these thoughts into insights for the future.

The only thing that I can really do is do everything that I possibly can to create the future that I want, and making it all a reality one day at a time, because the future that I want will heal my past, not just forget it.