I can talk about my trauma now, so I will. Part 3.

So, in two of my past posts, I wrote about my trauma. So, recap and a few details that I left out, but in outline format:

• Emotional abuse by my father.
• Physical abuse by siblings (it happened but they did it to me because they thought that my father favored me so I choose not to write in-depth about it).
• Bullying from peers at school.
• Manipulation by a past therapist.
• Unconsensual “acts” against me (I’m still processing this so I will not write in-depth about this yet).
• Ableism at work (I will not go in-depth on this either for obvious reasons).

My conclusion

All I know is that I am, ultimately, happy that I did not unalive myself when things got rough. I came very close during the days after my family was evicted from our house and I began to become ill. 

By the way, I eventually had surgery because my doctor was afraid that my sinuses would close up – so yes, that was bad.

I also had lingering feelings that would, eventually, contribute to ideation over the years, though these episodes have become less and less intense over the years as I have learned to find channels and ways to heal myself.

Because holding on to this pain has been the great burden of my life.

Feeling like no one cares.

Feeling like I don’t matter.

That was the greatest delusion of all.

Because even if no one reads this story or my last post, at least I was able to take the first step towards healing, which is acknowledging that there’s something wrong and doing something to help myself heal.

There are absolutely still things that I need to process,

So, SO many things.

But that’s what I have this platform for, and others.

I can tell my story now, process my pain and trauma, and work towards healing.

Writing these posts have been cathartic for me, for that very reason, in the same way that making videos for TikTok or making emotionally-charged artwork have been.