Well, what is perpetual youth to you?

To me, it has nothing to do with appearance or even personality. I’m autistic and I have ADHD, so I’m perpetually seen as being “immature” by most neurotypicals who I encounter. However, I see my own sense of perpetual youth as being my ability to be open to anything, while being an adult and having some semblance of life experience also enables me to have better judgment (I’m 31 now but it seems like people my age are seen, more often than not, as still being young). I think that this is probably the best balance.

Sometimes I wish that I was like this 24/7, but I panic easily because that’s literally what an anxiety disorder is.

I also see my sense of perpetual youth as being this sense of optimism that I still have. Even as I have felt that the world has, seemingly, tried again and again to show me how much it refuses to accept or accommodate me, I’ve finally given myself permission to just be myself.

As in my last post, “be free to be me”, a mantra I tell myself multiple times a day.

I know that I cannot stand up for myself if I don’t agree with a statement so full of self-love.

I know that I cannot allow myself to internalize a world that, too often, denigrates people like me just for existing.

I live in Texas and there are multiple ads a day literally stating that my existence is wrong, because that’s how election season goes in Texas every other year. (Ted Cruz is a complete and utter loser who looks like the Temu wannabe version of Colonel Sanders and I stand by that)

So, I don’t know what people think about my appearance, per se, but I do know that I want to keep up what I think is my youthful energy for as long as I can. It is literally the only thing keeping me from “falling in line” and, to me, failing in life by being complacent with the negativity that’s become so commonplace in this world and in all aspects of life.

When I tell myself that I can be free to be me, I can tell myself that, in my very small way, I have liberated myself from the shackles that centuries of colonialism imprinted on my bloodline.

I can also tell myself why it’s important to speak out as a member of the communities that I’m a part of and wants to see people like myself to be allowed to be our full selves, as well as being an American and understanding that solidarity with all communities (whether they be based on economic, racial, gender, or other forms of class and solidarity) is a necessity for this to truly occur.

I am also a person who is extremely concerned with the very real, cultural genocides in locales from Western China, to Rakhine state, to Tigray, to the Congo, and to Palestine.

This empathy for others and other groups springs from my optimism that the world can be better than what it currently is.

My own community can be liberated, the collective conscience of the people in my country (the US) can be liberated, and the world can also be liberated, and be free.

But part of this process (at least for myself) starts with me, because it takes a liberated person to understand the value of the liberation for others, regardless of how you are united or have solidarity with them.

So I will continue to do my best to be free to be me, chronic or mental illness, and all, and accepting the struggles associated with just being alive as the price to pay for my time on earth, while hoping that future generations need not pay the same price.

Without this overarching goal, there’s nothing left to keep me feeling young, and there’s nothing left to keep me feeling hopeful. I would rather have hope, even if some may call it false, than to just allow things to stay the same and result in more, continued harm than even the aspiration of good.

You are worthy of redemption, forgiveness, and you are human, you will make mistakes, fail and falter. Even at that, you can still help make this world a better place. As can I.