Freedom from expectations

This 2025, I wish for freedom from expectations, those from others and myself.

This 2025, I wish to just be myself, to just exist without worrying about what others think.

As much as I wish that I could stop caring about others, it isn’t in my nature to be that way.

I am perpetually empathetic, and it literally hurts when others cannot empathize with me.

The pain of living is sometimes a burden too deep to bear.

The pain of surviving for others is sometimes far too much for me to understand.

I wish for freedom from life, at times.

31 years of life and I still haven’t really found “my people”,

Though I care about those that I found, profoundly.

I can’t let go of this yearning to be liked,

Or this urge to always do for others what they won’t do for me.

I can’t seem to understand the inherent value of my life,

Even though I always do the most to make sure that others don’t feel this way.

I never give myself the space to truly be myself,

Not even with the ones I love.

I always feel like I need to act

Just to stay alive.

I have to act like I’m okay,

Like everything’s fine.

I have to act like I’m not hurting inside,

But no matter how much I try.

The pain of life remains.

The pain of breath provides me only with despair.

The pain of survival only gives me fear.