Missing My Graduation

This weekend, I started orientation for my upcoming master’s program in Software Engineering, but I also missed my graduation.

It’s quite the bittersweet dichotomy.

On the one hand, maybe I could have worked harder to find a job so I could afford the bookings needed to go to Boston.

On the other hand, I’ve never had a graduation experience that left me satisfied. What should be the most cathartic moment becomes frustrating as I see strangers’ faces around me and realize that literally no one knows me.

My 4.0 GPA across three different programs (associate’s, bachelor’s, and master’s) matters more for bragging rights than they would in graduation.

But this time is a bit different.

I know at least some of my peers, and even though I haven’t done the best job staying in touch due to my deepening mental health issues throughout this year, I still care for many of the people whom I met.

What I know, though, is that this was still a moment that should have been mine.

So, I can’t help but imagine what it would have been like to be there.

A different city.

With some people I know.

And even more people to meet.

As if.

As if I were a social butterfly who didn’t mind being around people, not the reclusive person I have become.

As if I could go somewhere without a mask.

As if I likely wouldn’t be hyperventilating and experience some god-awful level of sensory hell.

But still.

I can imagine.

I can hope.

I can dream.

Of special moments.

Being with special people.

But maybe in another life.

And maybe,

Just maybe,

It’s time to start moving forward with a new life.

A new reality for me to inhabit.

Original source at Fornesus Platform: https://meet.fornesus.com/posts/45